Stuff My Mom Says

This post is in honor of Mother’s Day.  It is also in honor of yesterday’s post on procrastination.  My mom and I have a pretty solid relationship… She's easily my best friend, and I try not to make that sound cheesy.  Bottom line, my mom and I text and talk a lot while I’m away at school.  Sometimes (a lot of the time) she’s on my ass about things like grades, a job, and my future.  But I also share a lot of the more fun stuff with her, and she tries to pass on some witty wisdom. And occasionally some really ridiculous random anecdote or observation. So, in the style of that guy who got super rich and famous by tweeting shit his dad says, here are a few examples of that amazing motherly advice.  Unfortunately, I delete the texts from my mom on a weekly basis so that I don’t make any unwise Saturday night text/call decisions—secret’s out—so some of her best material is unfortunately lost in the cyberdump. 

Mama and Me :)

On drinking:  “I know you’d rather stay in on a Saturday night.” 

Sunday morning of Spring Weekend: “Good morning! Are you behaving?  Have a bagel with tuna for lunch—good carbs and protein.  Put water in you beer cup and pretend. Don’t be afraid to take some alone time.”

After a 3-minute late-night pocket dial: “You called me at 12:30 last night, and it sure as hell didn’t sound like the library.”

On health: “Get outside and RUN!” Followed by a link to the Hartford Marathon website and all upcoming races in Hartford County. 

“You know that feeling when you put on a really great-fitting pair of pants? Do your happy pants dance!”

“Oh by the way I signed you up for a half marathon the weekend you get home from school so I hope you’ve been running.”

On school: “You know what they say about econ.” “What?” “You make that final your bitch.”

I called to tell her that I got my very first A+ of college.  “Congratulations honey!  In what?” “Fitness!”  “Why the hell are you calling me right now?”

“If you don’t get straight A’s I’m not paying your tuition next year.”  I’m not sure how funny this one is, because I think she might be serious.  UAA, here I come. 

On the rest of the family: “I showed dad that rebeka black video.  We can’t stop singing it.  He’s always going around singing ‘it’s Tuesday, Tuesday, gotta go to work on Tuesday’…help!”

On boys: Trying to explain the importance of “chemistry” in a relationship: “Do you love his body? You should only be with someone if you love their body.”

“Don’t be afraid to experiment.  College is not the time for emotional connections.”

Thanks for all the words of advice and help, mama.This list could certainly go on and on, and I'm certainly forgetting some of the best gems.  Maybe I'll do a part two, for her birthday or something.  Stay tuned. Love you mom!